chicago, part 1 (public enemy #1)

wow! what a trip to chicago. lots of excitement. jack’s first trip to the windy city started off with a patdown at the denver airport. yes, you read that correctly. both jack and his father were flagged as security risks by the denver authorities. it was probably the last name. it’s always caused some kind of calamity throughout my life and now i’ve passed it on to my son (kelly was smart not to change her name. besides, whenever we travel to boston the name mcmurray has more influence than st.cyr does). anyway, as i was on my way back to the car to get the child car-seat base, apparently you need this even for rental cars, kelly and jack were going through security when they were ask to see the man in the white shirt. Let me tell you, the man in the white shirt who works for TSA looks comforting from the non-risk line, but when you’re ask to see him, there’s a whole other set of thoughts running through your head. like “what did i do?” in jack’s case “what did i do in my diaper?” Since i wasn’t there to witness jack’s patdown you’ll have to wait until kelly posts a comment attached to this entry. if it was anything like my experience it went something like this.

Security Guard: Mr. St.Cyr, please see the gentleman in the white shirt.
Mr. St.Cyr: Thinking to himself. What the hell is going on? I’m just a regular guy with a bag of designer crap, a G4 laptop, an iPod full of bad 80’s music, a book, and a child car-seat base.
Mr. St.Cyr proceeds along the designated roped-off pathway to the high-risk security area. He knows this because of the funny welcome mats with foot shapes on them, the gang of agents in white shirts, and the group of elderly stripping down off in the distance.
High-Risk Security Guard #1: Please place your items in the plastic bins and walk through the high-risk x-ray machine.
High-Risk Security Guard #2: Please step over here. Please raise your arms. Now, I’m just going to give you a soft patdown.
Mr. St.Cyr: Thinking to himself. These High-Risk Security Guards are very polite with all their ‘pleases’ and ‘thank yous.’ Hey, look! There’s all my stuff dumped out into the plastic bins.
High-Risk Security Guard #3: Speaking to High-Risk Security Guard #2 in the presence of Mr. St.Cyr. We found this and this. Do we need to fill out a report?
High-Risk Security Guard #2: I’m not sure. Ask High-Risk Security Guard #4.
Mr. St.Cyr: I forgot all about that Xacto knife and the pencil sharpener.
High-Risk Security Guard #2: You have a few options. We can escort you out so you can mail the items to yourself or you can give them to somebody if somebody dropped you off at the airport or we can add them to the George W. Bush Memorial Collection of Terrorist Graphic Design Tools?
Mr. St.Cyr: George can keep them.
High-Risk Security Guard #2: Let me escort you out.
Mr. St.Cyr: Thanks. Thinking to himself. Good thing I had an escort out. All of those velvet ropes were really throwing my sense of direction off.

when i finally caught up to kelly and jack at the gate i heard about jack’s security experience. maybe i’ll change my name to mcmurray.